11 years in a civil union!

This is a photo of me at our civil union, sitting with my Grandmother, who is still staunchly independent and about to turn 98 in a few days.

I cannot believe that 11 years has passed since M and I said "I do" on a stormy day in a little school hall on the edge of a wilderness reserve.

I have such precious memories of that time.  Wine tasting with the USA crew to choose the tipples for the big day.  Watching the Japanese visitors teach my brothers how to fold paper cranes and everyone banding together to decorate the hall. Dancing to music played by our family, friends and neighbours.

So much had changed since then.  Are we even the same people?  Sometimes I see a beautiful moment, like Rangimarie picking a flower in the back yard and handing it to M and I think...these are the moments I dreamed about.  This is where I want to be...where I have always wanted to be.

Life is definitely not perfect.  I still struggle with my body, the house, the garden, paying the bills, the isolation of parenting.  But I feel very blessed.  While I can't have everything in life, my dreams have come true.

and the rain helps things grow...

I guess I need to count my blessings.  It's been a rainy, cold and windy summer but the garden is flourishing.  Finally some sunshine has arrived and we get to enjoy the fruits of our labour in the garden.

The salad walk is coming along well and I have ordered a bunch of seeds from Kings seeds.

I planted some snow peas at the end of the walk and scattered some arugula seeds in the gaps.  Can't wait to see those take off.

Every year since about 2006 I have intended to plant sweet peas on Anzac day.  This year I'm actually going to do it.  I promise!

Our tomatoes are starting to ripen - it will be salad for dinner tomorrow.

Work is going well - frantic but I'm enjoying it.  We had a Palmy rocks event on Monday and Tuesday and this Friday we have a Rainbow Tea.  Campus is so vibrant and fun with all the students around.

We have finally scheduled the work on our house.  Looking forward to having that done.  Manaaki is showing an early aptitude for interior decorating.  We were talking about colours for wallpapering our living room and I suggested green.  He said "No, it's already green outside.  That will be too dark.  I was thinking a peach or beige." and quick as a flash he brought up some examples on Pinterest.  It was his confidence that most struck me.  How many seven-year-old boys know the colours peach and beige?

We are in a good place right now.  I'm starting to look out for jobs as my contract is up in July.  I'm really hoping I can continue it to a permanent role as I love the job.  I guess there is just know way of knowing what is around the corner.  I just need to keep plugging.

A Fresh Start

our edible salad walk garden

We are zooming away from the starting blocks of 2017 and it seems like all of a sudden it's almost February.

We had a really relaxing Christmas and New Years break with lots of family and friends in the house and we kept things pretty low-key and simple.  Christmas was a BBQ and salads with pavlova and berries for dessert.  Everyone pitched in and it all worked out without too much stress.  The weather was rubbish but that didn't matter too much.

For New Years, we had some friends staying and we went to the kids countdown concert in the square, getting there just in time for fireworks. Then we went home and put the kids to bed and stayed up past midnight, playing records on the turntable and cutting up magazines to make vision boards.  It was a very satisfying start to the year.

After New Year, my Mum and her partner came back to stay for a week.  They looked after the kids while we went back to work and Mum's partner did an amazing job in the garden - clearing all the weeds, mulching and doing the lawns.  He cleared the garden near our living room and I have planted it as a edible salad walk with greens and herbs and edible flowers.  I'm very excited about it.  Our vegetable patch is finally cleared out and we are going to cover it in straw over winter and plant it out next spring.  He achieved in ten days of hard yakka what I have tried and failed to do all year.  I guess sometimes I do just need a bit of help actually getting stuff done because try as I might to stay on top of things, I often can't keep up. I feel like just as I'm getting somewhere I get a spanner in the works, like a child who won't settle until late at night or someone is sick, and all hopes of progress go out the window.

Work is starting to get busier and I feel like I'm making progress.  It really is my dream job and I feel very privileged to have the opportunity.  I love my office.  It feels like a real sanctuary as it's quiet with a very green outlook.  I have a standing desk and a table and chairs and a couch so I can curl up on the couch and read documents in comfort, or have a coffee at the table while I check my emails.

House maintenance is going to be a theme of 2017, I think.  We have discovered a leak that needs some quite serious repairs and there is general painting and fixing that is overdue.  At least I have a job so we are in a position to do something about this, although it will set us back a bit.  I'm trying not to stress about it and to just put one foot in front of the other - do the next step as it needs to be done without getting into catastrophic thinking.

I thank the goddess for our peaceful, mundane existence at the bottom of the world.  Especially against the backdrop of an inauguration happening tomorrow that defies belief.

Wishing the world a Happy New Year and may we find hope amidst the madness!

In the 'hood

A new cafe called Boho Cafe has opened in Awapuni.  We are so excited.  We had breakfast there last weekend, and while I wouldn't call it a relaxing meal given that we were wrangling a two-year-old and seven-year-old, the coffee was delicious and the eggs were perfectly done.

Today I escaped there for a while with the paper and had a coffee and bacon and egg focacia.  Yummy, generous portions, friendly staff and a cosy little corner to sit in.













There are still quite a few empty shops which is discouraging but with the new cafe, the sushi shop and the hospice op shop in the neighbourhood as well as the longstanding presence of the library and chemist it's shaping up to be a great little place to be.

Inspiration in dealing with my shadow side

I still love the job but life is definitely busy and relentless.

My darling girl turned two yesterday.  I feel so blessed to have her and her brother in my life and to be raising them with my wonderfully funny and creative wife.  I also feel tired and crabby and resentful at all the things I have to do rather than watch a movie or read a book or just vege.

We had a low-key birthday party for Rangimarie this morning and then in the afternoon we went to a friend's place who happened to have a birthday today to celebrate with more cake.  I was sitting on the couch holding a hot cup of green tea and Manaaki was sitting next to me.  Several times I reminded him that I was holding a hot drink and to please be careful not to bump me.  However he took no notice and finally knocked into me so hard that the hot tea spilled all over my hands and the floor.  I yelled "Manaaki!" and suddenly the room was silent and awkward because I'd lost my cool.  I felt like such a dork. Coming home I was so angry with myself and just frustrated that I get very little break and just about no couple time.  I love that I am still breastfeeding Rangimarie but the day-in-day-out reality of it seldom having uninterrupted time, even in the evenings, is frustrating.

Luckily my wife was sympathetic and gave me an hour or so to mooch around the sleepout and poke through old boxes of journals and cards and photos.  It was very restorative.  When I came back inside she had cleaned the kitchen and made a soup for dinner.

Inspired by our friend, Helen Lehndorf, who has recently written a book 'Write to the Centre' I got out my scissors and some old cards and got creative.  Writing it out really does help.

Back to the grindstone!

I have a new job and I love it!  I have just finished my first week and I'm very excited about the possibilities.  It's a full-time nine month contract and they are letting me start part-time while I see out the semester in my other 10 hour a week role.

Rangimarie has started at a kohanga (Maori speaking childcare centre) on campus.  I'm so pleased I settled her in a few weeks before I started my new job as it was a bit of a mission.  At first she cried when I left her, which felt awful.  Then I was going back at lunchtime to breastfeed her and get her down for her nap.  Now when I leave her with one of the kaiako (teachers) she smiles and waves and she goes down fine for her nap without me.

I have started getting up at 6am every weekday morning as M is starting work at 7am.  This might not sound like much but it is huge for me.  My whole adult life I have struggled to get out of bed in the morning and I usually develop a routine that has me waking up as late as possible and doing the bare minimum before I scramble out the door.

Now that I'm up earlier I have time for a relaxed breakfast and coffee.  I even manage to get round and open all the curtains and make the beds.  I just feel more on top of things.  It's still not easy and I feel pretty cruddy for the first hour or so that I am up but the momentum of a new job has given me the chance to create this new routine and I hope I can stick to it.

My energy levels have been much better lately.  Part of this is the excitement of a life change.  I think I must have had pretty bad anaemia last year as I look back on some of my posts where I was really struggling.  Getting the B12 injections definitely helped with that.

So now we can pay off our holiday and start saving for the next one.  The world feels full of promise!

Disneyland

We are back in Ventura after our trip to Disneyland. It was fabulous!

We were lucky enough to stay with family in Orange, a short drive from Disneyland. Our friend stayed in Howard Johnson hotel which was a quick 10 minute walk to Disneyland gates and she had a good-sized room and access to a kids water playground area. I'm not sure how much she paid but I would recommend it for convenience.

A benefit to staying close is that we took a break in the afternoon during the hottest and busiest time at Disneyland.

The other adults took the kids to the water playground at the hotel and I had a blissful couple of hours with bottomless iced tea and a mimosa at Café Mimi's across the road.

We then headed to Captain Kidd's for dinner because kids love a buffet. The food was mediocre but the price was great and there was enough to keep everyone happy.

Feeling refreshed we headed back to Disneyland.

I don't know if it was the early evening air being the perfect temperature or the cheerful piped music but that moment walking back up the promenade is one of my favourite memotes of the trip. The kids were walking holding hands and laughing and playing together. Across the road a family was leap frogging over some road cones. I really felt that innocent sense of wholesome fun that Disneyland promises.

I didn't go on a lot of the rides but I loved the atmosphere and the baby rooms were amazing. Staffed by these lovely grandmotherly ladies in period costume and with very comfortable facilities for changing and feeding little ones.

We stayed until just before closing time. One thing I would do differently is find a good spot to watch the 9.30pm fireworks. We were walking from one space to another when they were on and there were lots of attendants waving glowing batons and urging us to keep moving so we couldn't really enjoy the show.

There is so much more I could say but this post is already mammoth so perhaps I will say more at a later time. I would definitely recommend Disneyland as a great family day out.