In the 'hood

A new cafe called Boho Cafe has opened in Awapuni.  We are so excited.  We had breakfast there last weekend, and while I wouldn't call it a relaxing meal given that we were wrangling a two-year-old and seven-year-old, the coffee was delicious and the eggs were perfectly done.

Today I escaped there for a while with the paper and had a coffee and bacon and egg focacia.  Yummy, generous portions, friendly staff and a cosy little corner to sit in.













There are still quite a few empty shops which is discouraging but with the new cafe, the sushi shop and the hospice op shop in the neighbourhood as well as the longstanding presence of the library and chemist it's shaping up to be a great little place to be.

Inspiration in dealing with my shadow side

I still love the job but life is definitely busy and relentless.

My darling girl turned two yesterday.  I feel so blessed to have her and her brother in my life and to be raising them with my wonderfully funny and creative wife.  I also feel tired and crabby and resentful at all the things I have to do rather than watch a movie or read a book or just vege.

We had a low-key birthday party for Rangimarie this morning and then in the afternoon we went to a friend's place who happened to have a birthday today to celebrate with more cake.  I was sitting on the couch holding a hot cup of green tea and Manaaki was sitting next to me.  Several times I reminded him that I was holding a hot drink and to please be careful not to bump me.  However he took no notice and finally knocked into me so hard that the hot tea spilled all over my hands and the floor.  I yelled "Manaaki!" and suddenly the room was silent and awkward because I'd lost my cool.  I felt like such a dork. Coming home I was so angry with myself and just frustrated that I get very little break and just about no couple time.  I love that I am still breastfeeding Rangimarie but the day-in-day-out reality of it seldom having uninterrupted time, even in the evenings, is frustrating.

Luckily my wife was sympathetic and gave me an hour or so to mooch around the sleepout and poke through old boxes of journals and cards and photos.  It was very restorative.  When I came back inside she had cleaned the kitchen and made a soup for dinner.

Inspired by our friend, Helen Lehndorf, who has recently written a book 'Write to the Centre' I got out my scissors and some old cards and got creative.  Writing it out really does help.

Back to the grindstone!

I have a new job and I love it!  I have just finished my first week and I'm very excited about the possibilities.  It's a full-time nine month contract and they are letting me start part-time while I see out the semester in my other 10 hour a week role.

Rangimarie has started at a kohanga (Maori speaking childcare centre) on campus.  I'm so pleased I settled her in a few weeks before I started my new job as it was a bit of a mission.  At first she cried when I left her, which felt awful.  Then I was going back at lunchtime to breastfeed her and get her down for her nap.  Now when I leave her with one of the kaiako (teachers) she smiles and waves and she goes down fine for her nap without me.

I have started getting up at 6am every weekday morning as M is starting work at 7am.  This might not sound like much but it is huge for me.  My whole adult life I have struggled to get out of bed in the morning and I usually develop a routine that has me waking up as late as possible and doing the bare minimum before I scramble out the door.

Now that I'm up earlier I have time for a relaxed breakfast and coffee.  I even manage to get round and open all the curtains and make the beds.  I just feel more on top of things.  It's still not easy and I feel pretty cruddy for the first hour or so that I am up but the momentum of a new job has given me the chance to create this new routine and I hope I can stick to it.

My energy levels have been much better lately.  Part of this is the excitement of a life change.  I think I must have had pretty bad anaemia last year as I look back on some of my posts where I was really struggling.  Getting the B12 injections definitely helped with that.

So now we can pay off our holiday and start saving for the next one.  The world feels full of promise!

Disneyland

We are back in Ventura after our trip to Disneyland. It was fabulous!

We were lucky enough to stay with family in Orange, a short drive from Disneyland. Our friend stayed in Howard Johnson hotel which was a quick 10 minute walk to Disneyland gates and she had a good-sized room and access to a kids water playground area. I'm not sure how much she paid but I would recommend it for convenience.

A benefit to staying close is that we took a break in the afternoon during the hottest and busiest time at Disneyland.

The other adults took the kids to the water playground at the hotel and I had a blissful couple of hours with bottomless iced tea and a mimosa at Café Mimi's across the road.

We then headed to Captain Kidd's for dinner because kids love a buffet. The food was mediocre but the price was great and there was enough to keep everyone happy.

Feeling refreshed we headed back to Disneyland.

I don't know if it was the early evening air being the perfect temperature or the cheerful piped music but that moment walking back up the promenade is one of my favourite memotes of the trip. The kids were walking holding hands and laughing and playing together. Across the road a family was leap frogging over some road cones. I really felt that innocent sense of wholesome fun that Disneyland promises.

I didn't go on a lot of the rides but I loved the atmosphere and the baby rooms were amazing. Staffed by these lovely grandmotherly ladies in period costume and with very comfortable facilities for changing and feeding little ones.

We stayed until just before closing time. One thing I would do differently is find a good spot to watch the 9.30pm fireworks. We were walking from one space to another when they were on and there were lots of attendants waving glowing batons and urging us to keep moving so we couldn't really enjoy the show.

There is so much more I could say but this post is already mammoth so perhaps I will say more at a later time. I would definitely recommend Disneyland as a great family day out.

California dreaming

We have been in California five days now. It's been jam packed with visiting friends and activities.

We went to the county fair and Rangimarie and I got to watch a talent show while Manaaki and the rest of the family tried out the rides. We ate hotdogs and caramel apples.

My favorite activity was the big bubble cauldrons right next to the mechanical bronco ride. Rangimarie and I say on a hay bale and watched the bubbles to the strains of country music playing from the bronco stall.

We walked through the livestock hall. Pigs are so freaky. A pink pig's back looks just like a pale white guy's back at the beach.

We've been to the beach and today we went to Ojai and played at Libbey park. Even after 5pm it was still really hot but the park had this cool walk through mister that was very refreshing. Afterwards we went to Bliss frozen yogurt where Manaaki got the most massive tub of froyo and luckily it didn't bankrupt us. They even had a little kid size table that was perfect for Rangimarie.

So far so good. The only sore point had been that as a parent you never really get a holiday and this has been a source of friction. Out of our usual routine we both feel like we've had even less time to ourselves than usual. I'm not quite sure how to do this better but if I find a solution I will let you know.

It's cold outside!

It's freezing outside and the backyard is a lake.  However, we are cosy inside with the fire and looking forward to a holiday in sunny, dry California.

We will be in Auckland for Manaaki's birthday so he had a party early with his friends.  He directed the decorating of his cake from the initial concept, shopping for decorations and finally directing me on how to apply the icing.  We were proud of the result.  Super Kids is his own super hero group that he has created with his friends and they are very serious about it.

I'm feeling a little stressed about getting ready for the trip but also excited about getting a break and very excited about meeting my new niece in Auckland before we go!

Warming up winter

It's been a really cozy winter so far.  We've had the fire cranking and there has been some beautiful still, sunny days.  The trees are brilliant golds and reds.  I'm starting to think autumn/early winter is my favourite season in Palmerston North.

The job hunt continues.  I got a rejection email from a DHB job that I had applied for but I'm still waiting to hear from some council jobs that I applied for and today I'm working on an application for two more jobs at the local museum.  I guess it's just a matter of keeping on baiting those hooks and eventually I will get a bite.

I felt newly invigorated with the massage booking that I had a few weeks back and so have been working on that again.  I did a bit of promotion in town dropping off my brochures to various places and my latest plan is to use my networks so I will ask my Mum to forward an invite to her friends to come along to a chair massage afternoon at my place.  I hosted one this weekend that I organised on Facebook and it was really fun.

We are getting more and more excited about our US trip.  It will be so great to have some time out as a family without the pressures of work and home.  This week's task is to renew my passport.

Rain, Rain, Rain!

We are meant to have rain for over ten days straight.  The river is wide and muddy.  Friends say it looks like the river in Willy Wonker's chocolate factory.

We have had a busy and lively weekend with our close friend Ed staying and also my brother Simon dropping in for a visit as well as some kids coming to play.

Lots of laughs, music, cooking and eating.

I am waiting to hear back from the job I applied for last weekend and applying for another two today.

I had a massage booking at a workplace last week that I really enjoyed.

It's all go!

View from the inside

I finally heard back from a job I applied for as a childbirth educator.  I didn't get it.  I'm disappointed as it would have been a cool job and definitely an issue I am really passionate about.  However, I have another job to apply for today so I'll keep my eye on the horizon.  And, I have a massage booking at a friend's workplace that I'm very excited about.

We have hot water again and it's fantastic.

Last week I tried to do more fun stuff with Manaaki after I picked him up from school.  Instead of just going home and letting him watch cartoons we went to the park, the op shop, out for ice cream, to the drive-through carwash.  It helped everyone's mood.  Today is cold and rainy so we went to the swimming pool.  When we go out just the two of us, I realise how valuable it is to spend that time together.

So I am feeling cautiously optimistic.  Our USA trip is fast approaching and I need to earn some Kate Sheppards.

That sinking feeling

It rained and rained and the street flooded so fast we didn't have time to move the car.  Sadly Jamie-Lee Cultus was swamped, a write-off.  Goodbye to the car that has seen us through the births of two children and many trips up north. Luckily we were well insured.  Before we could get too excited and start test driving second-hand cars, the hot water cylinder blew.  There goes the insurance money and no hot water for a week and a half.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for but I am finding it hard to see the bright side at the moment.

In some existential way I am feeling in need of comfort and I don't know quite where to find it.  My usual answer - junk food - is not helping. Parenting is a source of joy but also of stress.  Simple things like fitting the people mover into a narrow parking spot feel like they test the boundaries of my resilience.  At least I have a partner to weather the storm with.  "These things are just part of being a grown up", we tell each other, "Wah!"

Casting my memory back

Over six years ago now, I became a Mama for the first time.  In all the dreams and ambitions I have had in my life, this was the most important to me.  It wasn't an easy journey and conception was probably the hardest part.  I was blessed to have healthy pregnancies and straight-forward labours.

Now, that I am gradually entering the workforce with a school-aged child and toddler in tow, I am leaving that baby-phase behind me.  I feel so priviledged to have had that experience of labour, birth and early parenting and to get to know the emerging personalities of my children.

Life is always a double-edged sword.  I have a spacious house, a tree-filled backyard, a beautiful boy and girl and a loving partner. I also have a kitchen full of dirty dishes, a laundry stacked to the gills with junk and washing, a garden full of weeds and a body that bears the evidence of two pregnancies and a few too many bowls of ice cream.

I guess accepting this - that I am living the dream without everything being perfect, is the only way to be grateful for what I have without letting that gratitude be buried in lamenting the things I could do better in my life.

I have had a morning of sleeping in, a card and chocolates from the children, french toast and coffee prepared for me and time to read the papers in peace. Now I am going to go for a walk and contemplate the blessings in my life.

Wishing all those Mamas and soon-to-be-Mamas in my life a happy day!

Scattered leaves

It has been a stunning autumn here in Palmy with calm, sunny days and the trees turning all kinds of beautiful colours.

We have had my Mum and her partner here for over a week and it has been fabulous.  They spoiled us all rotten and lavished lots of attention and outings and presents on the kids.  We all piled in the people mover and headed down to Wellington and had a catch-up with my brothers.  It was great to have that family time.  Mum leaves tomorrow morning and I'm sad to see her go.  We might not see her for quite some time as her next visit to NZ might be at the same time we are in the States.

The quest for healthy eating continues.  I got a bit off track having visitors here and have started drinking coffee again...agh.  But I'm determined to keep on making an effort and after a beautiful dinner out last night (our long awaited date night seen as Granny could babysit) I'm back to vegies, fruit and protein.

Last night at dinner we talked about our dreams for the future and we both have ideas for blogs and podcasts and other things.  We just need to make the time for them to be a reality.  So today I'm taking time out to work on some ideas I have for a professional blog.  I better stop procrastinating with writing this blog and get to it!

Health and Vitality!

I had a B12 injection last Tuesday and Wow! What a difference.  I feel like a fog has lifted and I actually have some reserves of physical energy now.  We have stuck with the no-sugar eating (basically Paleo) for over two weeks now.  I have definitely noticed a difference in my waistline and I just feel generally healthier and less of a slave to cravings for unhealthy food.

Family life has been pretty full-on.  The baby's PORSE carer and her little boy have been sick so we have had no childcare for two weeks.  It takes it's toll on me - just not getting any time out I end up feeling grumpy and overwhelmed.

No time out has meant no time on the business side of things either. It would be great to get some massage gigs but those take some time to promote and set up, and time is something I haven't had lately.

So, the plan for next week is to take a few hours to do some marketing and see if that leads us anywhere.  I guess I can only try.

Swings and Roundabouts

I took this photo when we were in Wellington for the day on Easter Tuesday.  We left super early and arrived in town around 8am.  Too early to phone anyone to meet up, so I drove round the bays and took the kids to one of my favourite cafes - Maranui in Lyall Bay.  Because it was so early in the morning it was pretty quiet, so we were able to get a table by the window looking out over the ocean.  We then walked along the beach and spent some time in the beachside playground.  The rest of the day was full of catching up with friends and family and it was a really great visit.

The day after we got back from Wellington we started a 10-day sugar detox plan from the Blood Sugar Solution by Dr Mark Hyman.  Man - that was a shock to the system after our Easter indulgences but I am so glad I did it.  The first few days I had a killer headache from the no coffee, but after that I did notice a reduction in cravings and even though I often felt hungry, it just didn't bother me as much. Whereas before I would be in a panic of "I MUST EAT!" after just a few hours without food, I am now able to tolerate a bit of hunger until I have time to prepare something healthy.

The only thing that is really getting me down is that I have not had the surge in energy promised in the detox book.  I fact I have been waking up feeling pretty crummy both physically and emotionally.  I think I have some kind of virus and I've had a sore throat for over a week and just feel exhausted and wiped out.  Also, my tolerance for the kids and any kind of inconvenience is way down.  I have an appointment with my nurse practitioner on Tuesday and will get a B12 injection then, which I really hope will up my energy.  In the meantime I'm continuing with the no-sugar diet.  It just doesn't make sense to poison my system with junk anymore.

On the plus side, our garden is really coming along.  Marolyn cleared the vegie patch and my step-father did a whole lot of weeding.  We have planted out the herb garden and have put lettuce and kale in the vegie patch. Everywhere else we have planted lupin to feed the soil.  Since then, we've had some really good rain so everything is looking happy.  I'm also loving being back at Massey.  It's such a beautiful environment to work in and I'm looking forward to all the autumn leaves.

Reaping what I've sown

I started this blog in Spring with a photo of our wildly overgrown vegetable patch.  While the garden was not a huge success this year, mainly due to the paucity of time and effort that I put into it, I did manage to plant some potatoes and here is what we harvested the other day.

The wind of a job opportunity that I heard about just before Christmas turned into an actual job and I started last week.  It's just 10 hours a week.  Mainly in the evenings.  I love getting out of the house and having some time to devote to something else.
The pay is good. The people are lovely.  I feel very blessed.

We booked some tickets to Los Angeles for later in the year.  Manaaki is very excited about visiting Disneyland.

My business goals have fallen somewhat by the wayside as I've adjusted to the new routine of work but I still have plans to pursue them.

I don't feel as tired and demoralized as I did at the end of the school holidays.  It's still a struggle but I feel like I'm winning a bit more of the time.

If there is one lesson I have taken out of this it is 'Never let an opportunity to reach out slip by as you don't know where it could take you'.

Life's no picnic

Today we went and visited our very dear friend Kedron at a house she was house-sitting and she treated us to a delicious lunch including this bread pictured and a mouthwatering pasta al fresca.  We even got to pick raspberries from the garden and put them our drinks.  The garden was amazing.  It's inspiring to see what people can do with a space.

I don't mean to whine but I've really been struggling lately.  I'm exhausted and most days can't drag myself out of bed before 10am.  Understandably, this puts pressure on Marolyn to cope with the breakfast routine by herself.  I just feel sapped of all energy and have got very little done around the house.  This compounds the problem as the house is a tip and looking around and trying to get things done in a mess is demoralizing in itself.

On the plus side, I emailed my old boss to say Merry Christmas and she called me right back with wind of a job opportunity.  I don't really know anything about it other than it is part-time but it is exciting to think I might be able to back up my business income with some regular hours of employment.  Now I just have to wait for the contact person to get back from leave so I can find out more.

It might seem strange that while I'm struggling with this lack of energy I'm pursuing work outside the home.  I actually think a work routine would do me good.  I think I need some stimulation and the chance to focus on something other than cutting up apples and stopping the toddler from eating rocks - her favorite activity right now.