View from the inside

I finally heard back from a job I applied for as a childbirth educator.  I didn't get it.  I'm disappointed as it would have been a cool job and definitely an issue I am really passionate about.  However, I have another job to apply for today so I'll keep my eye on the horizon.  And, I have a massage booking at a friend's workplace that I'm very excited about.

We have hot water again and it's fantastic.

Last week I tried to do more fun stuff with Manaaki after I picked him up from school.  Instead of just going home and letting him watch cartoons we went to the park, the op shop, out for ice cream, to the drive-through carwash.  It helped everyone's mood.  Today is cold and rainy so we went to the swimming pool.  When we go out just the two of us, I realise how valuable it is to spend that time together.

So I am feeling cautiously optimistic.  Our USA trip is fast approaching and I need to earn some Kate Sheppards.

That sinking feeling

It rained and rained and the street flooded so fast we didn't have time to move the car.  Sadly Jamie-Lee Cultus was swamped, a write-off.  Goodbye to the car that has seen us through the births of two children and many trips up north. Luckily we were well insured.  Before we could get too excited and start test driving second-hand cars, the hot water cylinder blew.  There goes the insurance money and no hot water for a week and a half.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for but I am finding it hard to see the bright side at the moment.

In some existential way I am feeling in need of comfort and I don't know quite where to find it.  My usual answer - junk food - is not helping. Parenting is a source of joy but also of stress.  Simple things like fitting the people mover into a narrow parking spot feel like they test the boundaries of my resilience.  At least I have a partner to weather the storm with.  "These things are just part of being a grown up", we tell each other, "Wah!"

Casting my memory back

Over six years ago now, I became a Mama for the first time.  In all the dreams and ambitions I have had in my life, this was the most important to me.  It wasn't an easy journey and conception was probably the hardest part.  I was blessed to have healthy pregnancies and straight-forward labours.

Now, that I am gradually entering the workforce with a school-aged child and toddler in tow, I am leaving that baby-phase behind me.  I feel so priviledged to have had that experience of labour, birth and early parenting and to get to know the emerging personalities of my children.

Life is always a double-edged sword.  I have a spacious house, a tree-filled backyard, a beautiful boy and girl and a loving partner. I also have a kitchen full of dirty dishes, a laundry stacked to the gills with junk and washing, a garden full of weeds and a body that bears the evidence of two pregnancies and a few too many bowls of ice cream.

I guess accepting this - that I am living the dream without everything being perfect, is the only way to be grateful for what I have without letting that gratitude be buried in lamenting the things I could do better in my life.

I have had a morning of sleeping in, a card and chocolates from the children, french toast and coffee prepared for me and time to read the papers in peace. Now I am going to go for a walk and contemplate the blessings in my life.

Wishing all those Mamas and soon-to-be-Mamas in my life a happy day!

Scattered leaves

It has been a stunning autumn here in Palmy with calm, sunny days and the trees turning all kinds of beautiful colours.

We have had my Mum and her partner here for over a week and it has been fabulous.  They spoiled us all rotten and lavished lots of attention and outings and presents on the kids.  We all piled in the people mover and headed down to Wellington and had a catch-up with my brothers.  It was great to have that family time.  Mum leaves tomorrow morning and I'm sad to see her go.  We might not see her for quite some time as her next visit to NZ might be at the same time we are in the States.

The quest for healthy eating continues.  I got a bit off track having visitors here and have started drinking coffee again...agh.  But I'm determined to keep on making an effort and after a beautiful dinner out last night (our long awaited date night seen as Granny could babysit) I'm back to vegies, fruit and protein.

Last night at dinner we talked about our dreams for the future and we both have ideas for blogs and podcasts and other things.  We just need to make the time for them to be a reality.  So today I'm taking time out to work on some ideas I have for a professional blog.  I better stop procrastinating with writing this blog and get to it!

Health and Vitality!

I had a B12 injection last Tuesday and Wow! What a difference.  I feel like a fog has lifted and I actually have some reserves of physical energy now.  We have stuck with the no-sugar eating (basically Paleo) for over two weeks now.  I have definitely noticed a difference in my waistline and I just feel generally healthier and less of a slave to cravings for unhealthy food.

Family life has been pretty full-on.  The baby's PORSE carer and her little boy have been sick so we have had no childcare for two weeks.  It takes it's toll on me - just not getting any time out I end up feeling grumpy and overwhelmed.

No time out has meant no time on the business side of things either. It would be great to get some massage gigs but those take some time to promote and set up, and time is something I haven't had lately.

So, the plan for next week is to take a few hours to do some marketing and see if that leads us anywhere.  I guess I can only try.

Swings and Roundabouts

I took this photo when we were in Wellington for the day on Easter Tuesday.  We left super early and arrived in town around 8am.  Too early to phone anyone to meet up, so I drove round the bays and took the kids to one of my favourite cafes - Maranui in Lyall Bay.  Because it was so early in the morning it was pretty quiet, so we were able to get a table by the window looking out over the ocean.  We then walked along the beach and spent some time in the beachside playground.  The rest of the day was full of catching up with friends and family and it was a really great visit.

The day after we got back from Wellington we started a 10-day sugar detox plan from the Blood Sugar Solution by Dr Mark Hyman.  Man - that was a shock to the system after our Easter indulgences but I am so glad I did it.  The first few days I had a killer headache from the no coffee, but after that I did notice a reduction in cravings and even though I often felt hungry, it just didn't bother me as much. Whereas before I would be in a panic of "I MUST EAT!" after just a few hours without food, I am now able to tolerate a bit of hunger until I have time to prepare something healthy.

The only thing that is really getting me down is that I have not had the surge in energy promised in the detox book.  I fact I have been waking up feeling pretty crummy both physically and emotionally.  I think I have some kind of virus and I've had a sore throat for over a week and just feel exhausted and wiped out.  Also, my tolerance for the kids and any kind of inconvenience is way down.  I have an appointment with my nurse practitioner on Tuesday and will get a B12 injection then, which I really hope will up my energy.  In the meantime I'm continuing with the no-sugar diet.  It just doesn't make sense to poison my system with junk anymore.

On the plus side, our garden is really coming along.  Marolyn cleared the vegie patch and my step-father did a whole lot of weeding.  We have planted out the herb garden and have put lettuce and kale in the vegie patch. Everywhere else we have planted lupin to feed the soil.  Since then, we've had some really good rain so everything is looking happy.  I'm also loving being back at Massey.  It's such a beautiful environment to work in and I'm looking forward to all the autumn leaves.

Reaping what I've sown

I started this blog in Spring with a photo of our wildly overgrown vegetable patch.  While the garden was not a huge success this year, mainly due to the paucity of time and effort that I put into it, I did manage to plant some potatoes and here is what we harvested the other day.

The wind of a job opportunity that I heard about just before Christmas turned into an actual job and I started last week.  It's just 10 hours a week.  Mainly in the evenings.  I love getting out of the house and having some time to devote to something else.
The pay is good. The people are lovely.  I feel very blessed.

We booked some tickets to Los Angeles for later in the year.  Manaaki is very excited about visiting Disneyland.

My business goals have fallen somewhat by the wayside as I've adjusted to the new routine of work but I still have plans to pursue them.

I don't feel as tired and demoralized as I did at the end of the school holidays.  It's still a struggle but I feel like I'm winning a bit more of the time.

If there is one lesson I have taken out of this it is 'Never let an opportunity to reach out slip by as you don't know where it could take you'.